


We were the same

by ikindagotalittleangry



Category: Grand Theft Auto V
Genre: Drama, Emotional Hurt, Friendship/Love, M/M, Rejection, a lot of unspoken things lying between them, lost opportunities, missing reparation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 17:43:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2397125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikindagotalittleangry/pseuds/ikindagotalittleangry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be fun, hanging around with Trevor. But it ended up that their hearts got as cold as the night they have met.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We were the same

**Author's Note:**

> Just one of my many headcanons, written down in poor English :-) I posted this thing some time ago on my tumblr and felt like publishing it here. Hope you like it. I'll leave you some cookies and tissues in case you need them.

“What the fuck makes me so fucking special?”

Trevor shrugged. “I don’t know”, he replied, taking another sip from his beer and frowned, avoiding Michael’s insistent gaze.

“Bullshit”, Michael hissed, slightly closing the distance between them by shifting his stool slightly a little bit more near Trevor. “You exactly know why you still hang around me although I fucked you over. Although I lied to you, abandoned you, ignored you, tried the best I could to make you fucking hate me.”

“Oh yeah that’s great, just keep on reminding my of all the shit you poured over me”, Trevor snarled, quickly turning his head to face Michael, his brows lowered dangerously.

Michael withstood his look firmly. “Knock it off, T. Just answer my fucking question.”

Trevor’s look went a little bit insecure. He turned away, settled his words, closely monitored by Michael.

“Maybe it’s because you’re just like me”, he finally said low, and Michael lifted his brows in surprise. “I mean, we both are filled with anger, we’re both uncontrollable, and the only thing that keeps us alive is this fucking life of crime we enjoy with every fibre of our bodies. That’s all we have known in almost thirty years, and that’s everything we will ever know. It completes us, makes us being.. you know, real. We justify our actions with our shitty upbringings, and we blame our surroundings for our violent outbursts. But we both know that’s not true. It’s just what we are. That fucking idiot walking past us is not to blame for our depression, for our dissatisfaction. But when I’m with you, all that shit doesn’t matter, you know? I just can be myself, I don’t have to act like I’m somebody else. I don’t have that feeling with anybody else. It’s like we’re two sides of the same coin. We complete each other. We just fucking belong together.”

Trevor took a long sip from his beer and Michael let his words sink in. He turned his view away from his old friend and sighed, but it sounded as if he wasn’t satisfied with the answer he got. 

“That fucking means you only want to be with me for the thrill? To quench your thirst of blood and chaos?” he asked with a clear tone of disappointment in his voice and lifted his beer bottle to his lips.

“No, you stupid fucking idiot”, Trevor hissed annoyed, “because…” His voice softened. “Because you take me just the way I am. You never criticized me, you don’t care about my faults and mistakes. You don’t tell me what to do and what not do, you don’t comment about my heritage, my clothes, my home. You accept my strange sense of humour, my aggressions, you don’t interrupt me when I’m rude to someone, and whenever I fucking need you, you’re there. You support me. You listen to my rants and complaints, you’re trying to help me, and you don’t leave me alone when shit gets real. Of course you’re teasing me a lot, but I know that it’s only for the teasing and not because you really think what you say. Let’s take, for example, the drugs. You will always call me a junkie, but you will never stop me from taking them. You let me do whatever I fucking want to do. Because you trust me. You let me live my life how I wanna live it. And that’s fucking great to me.”

Michael felt his face turn red in embarrassment, dumbfounded by Trevor’s honest words. He slowly turned his head to look at Trevor, and was holding his breath when his gaze caught Trevor’s, who gave him a level look. Michael could feel his heart race a little bit, not accustomed to receive compliments. Trevor kept his eyes with his own, and Michael could have sworn that his view got mixed with a little bit of disappointment and melancholy. But something was missing. Michael knew it. He was neither dumb nor blind.

As soon as he was raving again, he came a little closer, earning a surprised look from Trevor. 

“Isn’t there anything else?”, he asked, his voice rasping as if he had had a cold.

Trevor raised a brow and tried to read his face, which was looking curious and kind of longing for something. His eyes scurried between Michael’s, then they went bigger for a second, and he understood, giving Michael a smirk.

“There was anything else”, he corrected, “until you decided to live the rest of your miserable, worthless life without me.”

“I never did that”, Michael hissed, his face suddenly disfigured in anger.

“Like fuck you didn’t”, Trevor shot back, pulling his upper body towards Michael and narrowing his eyes threatening. “And don’t come to me with that fucking sob story of yours about how you all did this for your family and you didn’t have a choice.”

“That doesn’t mean I decided to leave you in the first place”, Michael said quietly, withstanding Trevor’s furious look.

“But you decided to prefer a cheap stripper over me, marry her, let her give birth to your children which all lead to escaping from the life you used to share with me”, Trevor barked and gritted his teeth.

Michael could feel the anger rise within, his hands clenched and unclenched, his breath went fitfully through his nose. But Trevor hadn’t finished.

“Did she ever love you the way I did? Did she ever support you, gave you encouragement, try to lighten up your mood, accept you with all your big and tiny mistakes? From my standpoint, all she ever did was dragging you down, giving you the feeling that whatever you fucking do, it would never be enough. You never could and never will get her appreciation. It’s just like with me and my mother.”

He made a short pause, took a deep breath. 

“We could have had it all, you ignorant fuck. But you turned me down. You fucking knew how I felt for you. But you never gave a hairy rat’s ass about it. And now that your wife doesn’t love you anymore, you come to me, the lonely, abandoned, miserable sack of shit that you are.”

Michael pressed his lips together, swallowing the wild curse he was about to throw at Trevor. Instead, he roughly grabbed his wrists, pulling his arm towards him, letting the other man flinch in reflex.

“You fucking listen to me now, you stupid asshole”, Michael growled, his face showing a little of surprise as Trevor’s eyes went glazed.

“Shut the fuck up”, Trevor nearly sobbed, his jaw shivering uncontrolled. He pointed the index of his other hand on Michael, breathing through his teeth. “Enough with your goddamn lies! I’ve had enough of them! You never loved me, not the way I did! You only needed some fool around you to comfort you, to alleviate your boredom! You never wanted to be together with me like I did! But you know what?!” His voice raised through his gritted teeth, his face approached Michael’s until they almost touched. “I don’t love you anymore! I’m not letting you hurt me anymore! Because that’s all you ever do with people: you hurt them!”

Michael tightened the grip around Trevor’s wrist, his whole body tensed in anger, but he was unable to speak or to put Trevor to silence in any way. 

“You hurt me when you said you was gonna marry her, you hurt me when you died, you hurt me when I finally found you in that fucking plastic turd of a city, and it fucking hurt when I realized that you ignored me for fucking nine years!”

“I missed you”, Michael threw in, like he had to defend himself, his voice cracking.

“That’s no comparison to what I felt all those years. And I know that the time will come when I will fucking miss you again!”

Trevor’s look suddenly changed from pure anger to pain. And that was exactly what Michael put over the edge. Without thinking, without even noticing it first, he put his other hand on the back of Trevor’s head and pulled him into a rough, desperate kiss. He didn’t care if Trevor wanted it, he wanted it. He couldn’t stand his guilt and his denial anymore. He couldn’t stand Trevor’s accusations anymore. And pulling their lips together, letting his guts take a ride through his whole body, turning his world upside down was the easiest possibility that came across his mind that would Trevor finally quieten down.

It was the first time in what felt like ages that he really wanted to kiss somebody. He didn’t share intimate interactions with Amanda since what felt like ages, he just didn’t want to, from the background that their relationship in fact only existed on a piece of paper. And the services he received from other women felt quit often numb and shallow. He missed the feeling of being wanted. He missed the feeling of being loved. And the only person that adored him the way he wanted to be adored copied him, spat out words of denial, tried to convince himself that feelings could vanish as long as he believed they would if he just kept on going to deny them. Maybe he was right. Maybe they were really the same. Fucking Trevor was always right.

Just when Michael sensed that Trevor would finally give up his façade and lose himself into the kiss completely, he could feel his hand on his chest and was being shoved away harshly. He gave Trevor an incredulous look and tried to catch his breath. 

Trevor breathed for a few times through his mouth, his face unreadable.

“I’m not a replacement for your wife. You made your choice. Then fucking live with it.”

With these words, he stood from his chair, emptied his bottle and left Michael in the cold darkness of the night.


End file.
